Looking Back on Lessons from 2025: What Being Single Taught Me This Year
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Being single is not just a status — it can be a superpower! In this episode, I dive into some eye-opening revelations from my past year about embracing the single life. I’ve learned that this time alone is a golden opportunity for self-reflection, personal growth, and pursuing dreams without waiting for a partner to tag along. We chat about the unique challenges single folks face, like the awkwardness of coupled people flirting — seriously, what’s up with that? Plus, I share how staying busy with hobbies and connecting with other singles has transformed my experience, proving that sometimes, being alone doesn’t have to feel lonely at all. So grab your favorite drink, settle in, and let’s explore the beauty of being single together!
Throughout the past year, I’ve come to a few eye-opening realizations about being single, and let me tell you, it’s been a journey. First off, I’ve discovered that being single is my superpower. Seriously! Most folks are so wrapped up in their relationships that they don’t take the time to really reflect on who they are or what they want. I mean, think about it: how often do we hear people saying they wish they’d traveled more before settling down? Well, I’m out there living my best solo life, and I love it! I’ve been on some amazing trips, just me and my thoughts (and maybe a good book or two). These experiences are mine alone, and I'm proud of that. It’s all about embracing the freedom that comes with being single—like being able to binge-watch my favorite shows without having to compromise on what to watch!
Another revelation was about the dreams I've been putting on hold, waiting for the ideal partner to come along. My therapist helped me realize that this waiting game could go on indefinitely, and I can’t let that happen. Why should I postpone my life for someone else? It’s not like I’m holding off on my goals until I have a partner to share them with. I’ve got to take the reins and pursue my passions now. Whether it’s starting that side hustle or taking that cooking class, it’s time to dive in headfirst. And let’s be real, I've got dreams that are too big to be shelved just because I’m single.
Lastly, I touched upon the curious phenomenon of coupled folks flirting with singles like it’s some sort of sport. It’s wild! Sometimes it feels like an ego boost for them, but for us? It’s a reminder of what we might be missing or what we could have. I mean, who wants to date someone who’s already flirting with others? Not me! It can make the whole dating scene feel even more daunting. But here’s the silver lining: surrounding myself with my single friends and engaging in fun activities helps ease that loneliness. Whether it’s starting a walking club or just hanging out, it’s all about creating a supportive community of fellow singles. Because at the end of the day, we all just want to know we're not alone in this journey.
So join me as I navigate this crazy single life, sharing laughs, insights, and maybe a few cringe-worthy stories along the way.
Takeaways:
- Being single is like having a superpower that allows for deep self-reflection and growth, which many miss out on.
- We shouldn't put our dreams on hold waiting for a partner that may never come along.
- It's interesting how coupled people often flirt with singles, highlighting a power imbalance in social interactions.
- Staying active with hobbies and projects is a great way to ease loneliness when you're single.
- Being part of a community, like a walking club for singles, can transform loneliness into meaningful connections.
- It's essential to surround ourselves with people who understand our single experience, as they can truly relate to our journey.
Transcript
What's a revelation that you had this past year about being single?
Speaker A:Hi, I'm Violeta.
Speaker A:If you're new here, welcome to All About Being Single.
Speaker A:Otherwise, welcome back.
Speaker A:Hope you had a great Christmas.
Speaker A:Okay, so this episode is just going to be some things that I've learned specifically this past year about being single.
Speaker A:So I truly believe that being single is my superpower.
Speaker A:Most people never get to have all of this reflection time on their life, and most people don't even ever truly get to realize who they are or work on themselves because they tend to occupy most of their time with other people.
Speaker A:And I love this about me.
Speaker A:I love the fact that I am so reflective and I love the fact that I get to have so many cool experiences that are just mine that I won't have to look back in like 10 years and be like, God damn it, I wish I'd gone on that trip by myself.
Speaker A:Because a lot of the trips I do go by myself on.
Speaker A:So that was number one.
Speaker A:Number two, with the help of my wonderful therapist, I've realized that I've been postponing some dreams of mine because I keep saying that I'll do them once I have somebody else, you know, that I can focus on them once there's two incomes in my household.
Speaker A:And, you know, once I have that safety of a relationship and that support that I can fall back on, but that might never come.
Speaker A:I really don't know if I'll meet somebody.
Speaker A:I really don't know if I'll ever get married.
Speaker A:I don't know if I'll have kids.
Speaker A:All of those things are things that I hope for and I hope that they do happen, but I just don't know.
Speaker A:And I just cannot keep putting my dreams and the things that I want to do on hold, just waiting for this thing that may never show up.
Speaker A:Number three is how many coupled up people flirt with us singles and just how much of a power imbalance there is when they do that.
Speaker A:You know, for them, it's just kind of like an ego boost, at least for some of them.
Speaker A:I would imagine some of them might be looking to cheat, which is just horrible for us.
Speaker A:It can be a reminder of, like, what we're missing, which could be a partner.
Speaker A:It could be also like a hope of something more because we actually are single.
Speaker A:And a lot of the people who are single do want to meet somebody.
Speaker A:I know there's, you know, people who are absolutely not looking for anybody, and there's people who are very happy in their single era.
Speaker A:But anyhow back to the topic at hand.
Speaker A:Sometimes seeing coupled up people flirt with us makes us not even want to go out there and date ourselves because we're seeing all these coupled up people who are clearly not happy in their relationships and they're flirting with others and it's like, well, I. I don't want to be with somebody who flirts with other people when I'm not around, who's acting like they're single and pushing boundaries.
Speaker A:Okay, next point, being busy with hobbies and just projects and things that I can spend my time on ease the loneliness so much.
Speaker A:And to me, hobbies and just individual projects and spending time by myself, but doing those things, you know, actively, like working on projects, stuff like that, it actually helps me ease the loneliness more than just being around other people, more than being around, like, friends.
Speaker A:Definitely more than being around coupled up friends.
Speaker A:That's obviously a separate issue there.
Speaker A:That just reminds me of my longing to be coupled up sometimes, or my longing to not want to be coupled up because some relationships are just so horrible that it's like, I definitely don't want to be like you.
Speaker A:But yeah, sometimes spending time with other people reminds me how much I want my human.
Speaker A:And I know that sounds like I want a toy to control, which is.
Speaker A:That's not what I'm trying to get at here, but it does sound like it a little bit.
Speaker A:So something else I've learned is I really enjoy running my walking club and being around other single people.
Speaker A:There's something about taking the wheel of, like, my singleness that really feels great and, you know, trying to be something within the community that really feels great to me.
Speaker A:There's just something about taking the wheel of my own singleness and also trying to help other people with their singleness in a sense, that feels great to me.
Speaker A:It's like I'm transforming being lonely to doing something that benefits single people.
Speaker A:So basically people in the same state of mind as me.
Speaker A:And there's just something healing to me about that.
Speaker A:And I'm seeing the people in my single and social experiences walking club forming friendships with other single people, which again, I think is so important during a time of being single or at least a very long time of being single.
Speaker A:And it's just.
Speaker A:There's just something beautiful about it and makes me feel so happy that I started doing that this year.
Speaker A:And I hope that it keeps growing, that I hope that it gives more people friendships out of it, or again, for some people, maybe relationships out of it.
Speaker A:I am okay with.
Speaker A:If some people leave because they get coupled up.
Speaker A:That's, that's totally fine.
Speaker A:I get that I also want to be coupled up at some point.
Speaker A:So I totally get that.
Speaker A:The next two are about Reddit and the weird subreddits and the weird places online basically.
Speaker A:So it's wild how many coupled up people want to join my singles only walking club.
Speaker A:And I just feel like so many single people already don't have many places where we can go and hang out and only run into other single people.
Speaker A:And the fact that, that so many people are trying to join who are clearly not coupled up.
Speaker A:It's like, read the post.
Speaker A:While most of them do read the post and then they still DM me asking me if they're not single if they can join, which is just ridiculous.
Speaker A:Like read the post, stay in your lane, stay in your world.
Speaker A:And I'm being very nice and kind back to them because there are other places that and other spaces where they can go out to that are tailored just for them.
Speaker A:But it's just wild how many of them want to join this particular event.
Speaker A:It's like there's other events on Meetup and so many other places where you can go and do your own thing for non single people.
Speaker A:The focus of the group is for single people only.
Speaker A:Respect the group rules.
Speaker A:And this one people on Reddit be insane.
Speaker A:I would like to not explain that.
Speaker A:And I know that a lot of us who go on there and see some of the post and see some of the comments on already know this, but I will explain it obviously.
Speaker A:But the amount of men that have hit on me after seeing my singles only walking club post and instead of coming to the club that decide to literally just hit on me on a DM where I don't know what they look like and they know what I look like and what I'm about because I do have my Instagram links and I used to have like discord link on there.
Speaker A:It's like the level of audacity and just pure not understanding of how human connections are formed and the level of just like, I already hate dating apps.
Speaker A:The only thing I despise more than dating apps is men trying to ask me out through fucking Reddit when I don't even know what you look like.
Speaker A:You must be fucking high.
Speaker A:Like that's insane.
Speaker A:And it's so unsafe for women.
Speaker A:Like, no, I don't want to go out.
Speaker A:Like literally come to the walking club.
Speaker A:Maybe I'll like you once you show up, but please do not try to start a relationship out of A DM on Reddit.
Speaker A:That's so strange.
Speaker A:Are you crazy?
Speaker A:Like, just.
Speaker A:I just don't understand how anybody thinks.
Speaker A:It's a valid way of asking somebody out, but definitely for women, it's like women already are scared to go to places by themselves, and there's so much safety involved with that.
Speaker A:And then for you to actually think that I'm gonna be interested in somebody that asks me out online when I don't know what you smell like, what you look like, how you interact with people, how you speak.
Speaker A:I know nothing about you.
Speaker A:That's insane.
Speaker A:It's fucking insane.
Speaker A:But, yeah, overall, my hill I'll die on is that single people just need more single people in their lives, even if it's just for like three hours at a walking club on a Sunday, which is, you know, that fills me up so much.
Speaker A:Just seeing everybody talking to new members or old members and just getting to know people and just spending time with other singles for me just fills me up so much.
Speaker A:I think that I used to cling so much to old friendships, and I obviously still have some older friendships, but I used to just cling to that so much and didn't want to go out there and, like, try to meet other people myself who.
Speaker A:Who are actually in the same era of their lives who understand me better because.
Speaker A:And just clinging to it just hurts us more in the long run.
Speaker A:And I'm not saying I can only.
Speaker A:Only have single friends, obviously, that I don't think that's healthy either.
Speaker A:I think that's the extreme other end of it.
Speaker A:But I do believe there's something to be said about having people who truly understand what you're going through and the couple that people just do not unless they've also been single throughout some of their adult lives.
Speaker A:Which brings me to my never again.
Speaker A:Because never again will I try to make people who have not been in my shoes again, being single on and off long term, try to understand my situation, because even if they try, they just cannot.
Speaker A:They just cannot.
Speaker A:They're not bad people, but they're also not my current most important people because they just don't know what it's like to be me at 38 years old, dating for 20 years, not finding my person for 20 years.
Speaker A:They're just not.
Speaker A:They just don't get me.
Speaker A:And my no like to stand on is this loneliness as a single person is a whole different level of loneliness that transcends loneliness in a relationship.
Speaker A:I've been in both situations, and I know that being lonely in a relationship is also difficult.
Speaker A:I'm not saying that it's not.
Speaker A:And I know it's a human emotion.
Speaker A:We all feel it sometimes.
Speaker A:And I know that some people say not to compare loneliness.
Speaker A:And I again get that everybody feels lonely at times.
Speaker A:However, you have not felt the type of loneliness and feeling just on the outside of like everything and everyone till you've been single perpetually and just forced to be single long term.
Speaker A:And I don't care, I don't care if people think that that's wrong, if I'm insensitive to other people's loneliness.
Speaker A:But you just don't know what that's like.
Speaker A:Having to go through this coupled up world with those lonely feelings that arise for sometimes, obviously more often than other times, but you just don't know what it's like.
Speaker A:And having to deal with them by yourself over and over and over and not having that support.
Speaker A:And especially if a lot of those periods in your life when you were single and you wanted somebody and you were feeling lonely, you had no other single people to even go to for support with that.
Speaker A:Which is why again, I think now, now I truly do understand how important it is to have those single people in your corner.
Speaker A:Okay, let's get to our note to self.
Speaker A:And if you're new here, I ask a question.
Speaker A:If you want to pause and just maybe write down your answer, maybe in a journal, maybe say it out loud to yourself, whatever works.
Speaker A:Or if you want to come back to this later and you know, do that later, that's obviously fine, whatever works for you.
Speaker A:But I asked the question and then I dance after this because I do dance every day and this is a great opportunity for me to do that.
Speaker A:Well, I mean, I danced in the morning too, but you know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:I do give you like a 30 second, 45 second buffer where I play a good song.
Speaker A:So if you're able to dance with me, because maybe you're just running around or maybe you're running errands, or maybe you're at your house cleaning whatever it is you're doing, if you're able to dance with me, great.
Speaker A:If not, I also suggest you dance at some point today.
Speaker A:It is such a good way to just let go of some of the tension.
Speaker A:It's a good way to just get more joy in your life.
Speaker A:And obviously music.
Speaker A:I think most of us also like music in general, even if we don't dance to it.
Speaker A:But anyhow, here's the notes to self.
Speaker A:What is one belief about being single that you can release this upcoming year.
Speaker A:I hope you guys got to dance or at least got some time to think about our note to self.
Speaker A:And I do like to mention mine so.
Speaker A:And here's the thing.
Speaker A:I don't do New Year's resolutions, but I will indulge in a limiting belief breaking so mine is this the thing I gotta release about being single is that being single is being behind again.
Speaker A:As much as sometimes I wish I already had the person in my dreams that I. I don't want to say my dreams.
Speaker A:Obviously I'm realistic in what I want, but just and it's not even just about having a husband and kids.
Speaker A:It's also about day to day living the way I want to live with as much authenticity as I want to have.
Speaker A:I also know that I sure as fuck wasn't ready for some of the things that I'm ready for now.
Speaker A:You know, a year ago even.
Speaker A:So, I do know that I'm on the right path and that's all that matters for me.
Speaker A:Because even if I'm late, I'm right on time.
Speaker A:As are you.
Speaker A:And for your single live glow up.
Speaker A:Just one single tip before I go one day this week if you could just jot down how you are not behind but how you are becoming someone who dot dot dot dot dot so whatever you want to fill in there and basically journal on who that person is, don't think about it too much.
Speaker A:You know, just kind of whatever comes up, let it come up.
Speaker A:And if you would like to email me with your response or if you're brave, send us a voice note so that I can feature in one of the next few episodes.
Speaker A:I would absolutely love that.
Speaker A:Go to all about being single.com and there's a little button where you get to do that.
Speaker A:If this episode resonated with you, please take a moment and share it with somebody else that needs it.
Speaker A:I really appreciate you listening.
Speaker A:I wish you a happy new Year and that you wrap up this year being somebody that you are proud of being or proud of becoming, whatever the case might be.
Speaker A:Single and loving it.
Speaker A:Either way, you're welcome in this singles only community.
Speaker A:I appreciate you listening and I'm very thankful.
Speaker A:Thankful to be on the single life path with you.
Speaker A:I'll talk to you next Tuesday.
Speaker A:Sam.
